the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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