im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
