The maid of honor just puked.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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