I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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