i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
