On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
