my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
