look no pants
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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