I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
50% drunk capacity currently
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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