it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize