I'm gonna have a badass scar
You're so nebulous sometimes
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
