I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize