I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
There's always time for handjobs
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
