wat bout pragnant strippers??
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
