I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize