DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Actions speak louder than pants.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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