went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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