It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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