i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
