she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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