My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
