I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
