I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize