My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
