I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
