got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
