whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
