He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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