How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
