It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize