Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
