Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
