My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
where are you?
Hypothermia
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
