So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
