he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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