Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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