I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
