Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
