I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
