I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i can't believe i had my finger in that
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
