i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
