I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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