Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
