I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
