i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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