At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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