We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
