She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
