She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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