I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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