you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
