Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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