i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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