I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
