i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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