I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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