My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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