I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
