When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
