he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
