There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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