Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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