her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
