I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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