dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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