Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize