Yo dont text me then not text me
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
